This is an admittedly narcissistic attitude. "Damn! I'd fuck me if I were gay", I thought.
When I finished shaving, I left a pencil- thin landing strip, I looked at my self in the mirror and got an instant hard on. I also shaved my cock and balls because the swim suit I was going to be wearing was my posing strap, basically a grocery sack for my cock and balls, and I didn't want any bushy pubes ruining the look. I knew how obsessed gay guys were with tans and I didn't want to offend anyone with my paleness. I then went to the tanning bed studio to add some color. I wasn't cocky or conceited but I had received enough compliments to know what I had been blessed with genetically, even if I couldn't take all the credit for it. The day before the party I finished my workout and felt confident that my sculpted arms and thighs, washboard abs, pronounced pecs and bubble ass would turn some heads. I said yes since his desire to be associated with a hot straight guy aligned with my desire to be ogled at and desired. He said he wanted to show me off a little to his friends. He said it would be a mixed crowd but mostly gay guys attending. One afternoon Scott invited me to an adults-only pool party at a rich gay couple's house where he was house sitting. "I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality that I can wear a pink shirt," I used to say. I enjoyed the attention I got, and I never felt my masculinity threatened. I always felt completely comfortable at these parties, costume and cocktail affairs, because I like showing off my body. I never thought of him in a sexual way, but he brought me to several gay events, along with his partner. One of my clients from the gym, Scott, was also a very good friend of mine outside the gym. I have a very nice, very big cock, and the magazine wanted me to come to L.A. A college girlfriend had talked me into sending nude photos to a female-oriented centerfold magazine. I was good looking with a great body but I wasn't going to make a living off of just that. I had done also some runway and magazine work. Like I said, I had done some modeling that required a muscular physique and a handsome face. I had several clients, gay, straight, men and women, and I had a reputation as a guy who knew what he was doing and had the body to back it up. I was working as a personal trainer at a gym at the time this happened. No matter how much resistance I put up, that resistance was drowned by a tsunami of desire to be passionately, deeply, lustfully fucked and dominated by a man. I provide this background so you understand how dramatic the change was that I made, or rather, that was revealed, in one day. I wasn't able to insert the vibrator very far into my ass and I thought "I could never be gay because my asshole is too tight". I found the sensation absolutely euphoric and I envied gay guys for being so in touch with this wonderful source of pleasure. One time I used my girlfriend's vibrator on my ass when she was out of town. I had played with my asshole a few times, but only in the context of what it would be like in a straight sex session, if a woman was pleasuring my ass. I had been hit on by gay guys many times and I found it flattering, never offensive, but I never took any of the men up on their offers. I was proud of my body but a little modest about posing nude so I used a posing strap (basically a G-string), in art classes at colleges but posed nude when modeling for smaller private drawing sessions. I loved the beautifully muscular men's bodies, without them being exaggerated and cartoonish, like modern bodybuilders.Īfter college I even did some anatomy modeling myself, having a very muscular body. In college I was an art major and was very interested in studying anatomy, male and female, drawing nudes and studying classic Greek, Roman and Renaissance statues, especially the ones that celebrated the male physique. I couldn't take my eyes off of men when I saw them kissing. I was not homophobic but I was in fact very comfortable being "gay adjacent".Īs a kid, when my family went to the Castro district in San Francisco, I was fascinated by the gay culture and curious about the guys' attraction to each other. I had many heterosexual relationships I had sex with women regularly and enjoyed it when I did. I was not a virgin, was not molested, and did not "know my whole life" that I was gay. I was thirty and totally straight when I realized I like cock way more than pussy.Ī little bit of background first.